Scars and Stories
by getbusylivingxo
Summary: Alex Gaskarth finds the notebook that he writes all of his lyrics in. He decides to write the story behind each one, telling a story of how he grew up with an incredible girl, and how she stole his heart. Rated T for language
1. Chapter 1

A/N- The italics is what Alex is the present moment, Alex narrating, and not writing. :)

_Today as I was looking underneath my bed for my lucky boxers, I found my lyric book. I had tossed it there before going on the Glamour Kills tour and I'd completely forgotten about it. It's a small leather bound notebook that I've had since middle school. Every song that I've ever written has been inked down on those pages, so I started randomly flipping through it. Looking at all those songs reminded me of how almost every one of them was about her. I smiled as I remembered all the times I had with her. I realized that some of the memories were getting rough around the edges. I don't remember her face exactly in every memory, and I'm forgetting dates and things that were said. So in a moment of inspiration, I grabbed the nearest pen and started scribbling down our story in my lyric book._

I guess I'm writing this down so I'll never forget. But I doubt I ever will. I've kept the memories vivid in my mind by re-living them a thousand times. I've tried to remember every moment with her during sleepless nights, while curled up in my bunk, watching the road fly by.

It started during the spring. A beautiful spring morning. I don't know how I remember the day so well, but I do. The first day I met her, I was four, and she was four too. I had wandered into the front yard to try to find my mom. There I found my mom, talking to another woman her age. I decided it would be boring to try to talk them, so I turned my attention elsewhere. It was then that I saw a girl, my age, in our front yard. She had an easel set up, and was finger painting.

"Alex! Great, I was just going to go into the house to get you. Meet our new neighbors, the Silvas. This is Mrs. Silva," My mom said, indicating the woman she had been talking to. I smiled at her and said hi. "And this is her daughter, Isabellah."

I turned to look at the girl finger-painting. She was concentrating too hard to hear her name, so I decided to go over there and talk to her myself.

"Hi. My name's Alex Gaskarth. What's your name?"

"That's a weird last name. Anyway, My name's Isabellah Juliett. Wanna help me paint flowers?' She asked, finally turning to look at me. I remember that moment the most, the first time she locked eyes with me. I know it sounds horribly cliché, but her face just imprinted on my mind. Her eyes are still the exact same colour, green with flecks of brown.

"Sure." I replied, shaking off the name comment. I grabbed some of the purple paint and I spent the afternoon with her, painting flowers.

After that day, we became friends. The reason why we bonded so quickly could be the way our moms forced us to be around each other constantly, so they could talk, or go shopping together, or go out for lunch. I never really minded being with Isabellah, and hardly gave it a second thought. She was easy to get along with and liked my best friend, Jack Barakat.

The three of us went to preschool together and then we graduated into elementary school.

I paused and held my pen over the page. I didn't quite know what to put next. Elementary school was a span of 6 years where nothing important happened. With my pen still hovering over the page, I quickly chose the next words to our story.

Nothing significant happened in elementary school. We were just normal kids, Isabellah, Jack, and I. After 5th grade ended, we were out of our elementary school. We had graduated to middle school, which was a whole new world to us. In middle school we had 6 periods, 5 different teachers, and no recess. Middle school was easy for me, and because of my charm, wit, and good looks I had girls all over me. I was really humble about it of course. I could have any girl at that school. Well…Almost any girl. Any girl, except one. And that one girl was Isabellah. For the first few weeks, I didn't mind. Honestly. Isabellah was my best friend, and I didn't even dream of liking her as anything more. I'd known her since we were four, and she was like my sister. Well, that's what I kept telling myself. After 3 weeks of dating assorted girls, I realized something.

"Jack?" I had asked, quietly.

"Yeah?" Jack had sounded concerned. Usually I was never that quiet.

"Can I tell you something?" I said, picking at Jack's carpeting. We were both sitting on the floor at his house.

"Of course."

"You have to promise not to tell_ anyone_."

"Not even your mom?" He asked, sounding disappointed.

I sighed. We couldn't even have a serious conversation without Jack somehow fitting his obsession with my mother into the discussion. "No Jack. Not even my mom."

"But Alex! You know how I love her!"

"I do know, Jack. But this is something you're gonna have to keep quiet. It has to stay between us."

"Alex…This sounds kinky."

"I know it does Jack. It's supposed to. Now can I just tell you?"

"Go ahead." Jack had said, leaning back into his couch.

"Well...You know how the all girls at our school love my humour, charm, wit, and irresistible boyish good looks?"

"Uh-huh…" Jack had already gotten bored of this subject.

"It made me realize something."

That got Jack's attention right away. His head snapped up and his mouth dropped open. "Alex! Are you admitting you're gay?"

"No! Wait.." I had tried to tell him otherwise, but he had already started talking.

"_Why_ does everyone come out to me? Is it something about me? Do I attract gay men? _Do I?_"

"You attract all men, Jack. We've been over this before."  
Jack let out a huge sigh and leaned back against the couch again.

"Now," I continued. "These girls made me realize that my affections lie elsewhere…"

"Oh no…" Jack looked at me with wide eyes, finally realizing where this is going.  
"Bellah." We both breathed at the same time.

_I glanced up from the page again. This story wasn't going as well as I'd planned it. I've left out most of the parts describing Bellah and Jack, and all of our relationships, who we all are, and our interests. I held my pen above the page, ready to write down any bursts of inspiration. 'Well,' I thought. 'I should put in something about the band, and how some of my lyrics relate to her.' Then, a sudden burst of inspiration came to me. I quickly flipped to the first song I had ever written. It was a song called Circles. I quickly read over the lyrics then flipped the page over. I saw the page was blank and started writing._

Due to my short attention span, I scrapped the idea of writing down our whole story. It was a lot for me to write, and I kept getting ahead of myself. So, I have just decided to write down the main events of our relationship. For every important occurrence in our relationship,-as in mine and Bellah's, not mine and Jack's-, I usually wrote a song. Bellah was the inspiration for me to write my very first song, Circles. And now, here's the story behind it.

The girls at our middle school were not of the highest intelligence level. Not that I minded. That just meant that all of my jokes were laughed at, simply because they didn't understand them. I loved this for the first three weeks of my middle school experience. By the fourth week I was getting pretty tired of the bimbos. They followed me around school then plagued me afterwards, and, as I was sorry to say, it got old. All it took were these girls to make me notice Bellah. Instead of hair so overproduced it didn't move when there was wind, Bellah had soft reddish brown hair that blew around her face in a breeze. As an added plus, Bellah didn't laugh at everything I said. The Saturday after our third week of middle school I went over to Jack's house. That day we had the conversation I wrote down earlier about my liking Bellah. She came over after that conversation so we could plan out a band. Jack had been bugging us about it for weeks, and now we were going to try to make it happen. I had made a joke while the three of us were talking, and Bellah laughed. I couldn't help but smiling when she laughed; it was a real, genuine laugh, a welcome change from the girls I had been with for the past three weeks. Bellah was smart and thoughtful. Whenever I thought I had a good plan, she always found a flaw. When I thought I had a good comeback, she had a better one. To me, she was a challenge. A challenge that I knew I could never overcome, but I loved trying anyway. Bellah and I have always bickered, but in a friendly way. I didn't know how I didn't realize my feeling for her sooner. Anyway, somehow I had gotten chosen to write the songs for our new band. I'll write down how this happened:

"Alex!"

"Huh?" I had snapped to attention at the sound of my name.

"You can write the songs!" Jack told me enthusiastically.

"Why me?" I whined.

"Cause you're good with words and whatever. And Bellah said she didn't wanna do it."

Bellah was smirking at me from across the room and I made a face back at her.

"But she's the one with an A in English! Tell her to do it!" I complained. "I have better things to do anyway."

"Better _things _to do? More like people! Like Jackie Smith?" Bellah teased. Jackie was the resident whore of our school and one of the girls who followed me around.

"Maybe." I threw a pillow at her.

"Don't do it!" Jack warned me. "She has herpes!"

"How would you know, Barakat?" I questioned him, grabbing another pillow as a shield.

"She got it from me!" He yelled, pelting me with pillows. Bellah helped him attack me, and we ended up having a pillow fight for the next half hour.

The matter of me being the lyricist had been settled, so when I got home, I settled down to write my first song. I thought I should write a song about Bellah and the girls who helped me discover that I do like her. Love wasn't a word I was _quite_ ready to use yet. I had given this song some thought, and finally came up with something I thought was good.

Inquisitive and thoughtful,  
She was the challenge he'd been waiting for  
A reminder that creativity runs deep, like secrets  
Dark eyed dreamers - they were a dangerous pair  
"Q" next to "U", scribbled out on paper

They stop  
They go  
They're done

Go back to the place we knew before  
Retrace our steps to the basement door  
I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile  
Like so much time that we spent in the fall  
Put color in our cheeks while the air turned cold  
Preceding what became our bitter end

Round in circles - let's start over  
Round in circles - let's start over

Unanswered questions  
Would be the only thing to stop them now  
He was the poet, while she was the muse  
She had a pen that she knew how to use  
A touch of redemption, a hint of elation  
A recipe for disaster

Go back to the place we knew before  
Retrace our steps to the basement door  
I'll ask you if the rain still makes you smile  
Like so much time that we spent in the fall  
Put color in our cheeks while the air turned cold  
Preceding what became our bitter end

Let this be a lesson to us all

Round in circles - let's start over  
Round in circles - let's start over

Round in circles  
Round in circles  
Round in circles  
Round in circles

A/N- Tell me what you thought, comments for the next chapter! _:)_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N-Somewhere during the chapter, the tense is going to transition to present tense. I did that on purpose so I would not have to keep writing in past tense, as that got annoying quickly. So, just a head's up. :)

_I looked at the next song I wrote. It was Painting Flowers. I still remember exactly how that song came about. I flipped to the blank backside of the page and started writing down the story of how Bellah inspired that song._

"Hey, Bells." I remember saying to her as I slid into my seat in homeroom.

"Hey, Alex." Bellah had said, casually.

My stomach had lurched when she said my name and I remember shaking my head. She had been saying my name for the past seven years. There was no reason why it should affect me at all. It's not like it was special or anything, I remember trying to tell myself.

"So…" I started to say. "Did you come up with anything last night?" Me and Bellah had agreed that we'd go over lyrics together in homeroom, because she was helping me write them.

She grabbed a folded piece of paper out of her bag.

"Here." She said, sliding it across her desk towards me. "They're not that great."

**Front page of the magazine said,****  
****"Don't believe a word you read, I'm just telling lies - Just telling lies..."****  
****Fall short this time of goals you rose to meet that night,****  
****Don't worry yourselves,****  
****We can carry ourselves.**

**How does it feel to wake up knowing that you're playing on something****  
****that could have been nothing but a sad, sad song,****  
****about a group of kids who lost it all to the great, big city?**

**Are we both crazy?****  
****Or are we searching for more than life behind the same four walls...****  
****Pour me another drink I'll commit myself to it and lose track of reason to believe in nothing.**

**I know this is ridiculous,****  
****that's just like me...****  
****Make the most of living while you're young and have the chance to take your chances...****  
****'Cause I've got to, I've got to go...**

**Don't be afraid I've got your back when times get rough and bring you down...****  
****Maybe you don't understand we've got to take this or break this off,****  
****it's all up to us and you better believe...**

**We're just so crazy,****  
****we're all just searching for more than this life behind the same four walls.****  
****Pour me another drink, I'll commit myself to it and lose track of reason to believe in nothing.**

**I know this is ridiculous,****  
****that's just like me...****  
****Make the most of living while you're young and have the chance to take your chances...****  
****'Cause I've got to, I've got to go...**

**I know this is ridiculous,****  
****that's just like me...****  
****Make the most of living while you're young and have the chance to take your chances...**

**Fuck regrets and lets burn this city down.**

In all honesty, you can't just read lyrics like that and not fall in love with the girl who wrote them.

"Bellah…"

"I told you they weren't that good." She said hastily, grabbing the paper out of my hand.

"No! They were amazing." I said, meeting her eyes.

"Really?" She asked, lowering the now crumpled paper in her lap.

"Honestly." I replied, gently plucking the paper back out of her hand. I looked at her wide, green eyes, and realized how perfectly her hair fell over one of them. There was something about her face in that moment that did a funny thing to my stomach. Butterflies filled my gut and I felt intensely alive. "They're awesome, Bells." I said.

"Thanks." She smiled. "Now show me yours."

I pulled out Circles and placed it on her desk, hoping against every hope she wouldn't notice it was about her.

"It's incredible, Alex! I knew you could write lyrics." Bellah said when she finished reading the song.

"That makes one of us. Jack's crazy for thinking this band will go anywhere."

"It will. You have to believe in him and work for it." She said firmly.

"Yeah, well I'm kind of lazy." I said.

"I noticed." said Bellah, smiling. "Jack also said to go to his house after school for band practice."

I grinned back at her. "Alright. See you in math."

"Bye!" She said before heading out the door.

I sighed and walked toward social studies, ignoring all the 'hellos' from passing girls.

I pulled open the door to my social studies room and sat in my usual seat at the back.

I didn't even know why I was doing this. Why should I risk my friendship with Bellah? What if dating her didn't work out? It was better to be friends with her and have her in my life than date her, have it not work out, and not have her in my life at all. And there's the possibility that she might not like me back. There is no reason for her to like me back, anyways. She's pretty and funny and perfect and deserves someone better than me. I should just stop liking her now, before I got in too deep.

I shook my head. I couldn't just stop liking her now. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her for who knows how long, and I could just feel myself falling harder for her. I had built up a wall around myself to protect myself against love and any pain that might go with it.

I remember, in that moment, how that wall had come crashing down. How I felt a rush of emotions course through my veins, and how I felt alive. I remember, with perfect clarity, how it felt, to realize, I was in love with Isabellah Juliett.

It would be another two years until I would write Painting Flowers. That moment when I realized I love her is the main inspiration for this song though, so I had to include it somehow. Jack decided to put our band on hold until we learned music theory. In other words, we needed to learn how to play instruments. So for two years Jack and I learned how to play guitar, and Bellah decided she didn't want to be in the band. We got a kid named Dylan King to play drums for us, so we covered Blink-182 songs. It was the last week of eighth grade on a Friday night and Jack, Dylan, Bellah, and I were in my garage. We were having band practice, and Bellah had come over to watch. We had finished playing What's My Age Again when Jack complained that he hadn't seen my mom in a while, so he went inside to find her. Dylan set down his drumsticks and told us he was going inside to get a soda. I put my guitar on its stand, and sat down on the ground next to Bellah.

"You guys were awesome today." She said.  
"Really? I still think Jack is crazy."  
"About the band thing?" Bellah asked.  
"No, in general." I replied. "And for making me sing." I added as an afterthought.  
"It's cause you're good." She said.  
"In bed! Not at singing."  
"Alex!" She shoved me lightly.  
"Ow! Geez, Bell. Ease up. You're gonna break me one day." I grabbed my shoulder and faked pain.  
"I'm sorry. I know you're weak. I'll try to go easier on you." She grinned at me.  
"Now you're gonna get it." I said, grabbing my water bottle, and splashing water at her.

I laughed at the stunned expression on her face when the water hit her.  
"Alex!" She poured her water bottle on me and smirked. "Hah. I win."  
"Bellah! You got my shirt wet! And I'm wearing white!" I retorted, looking down at my soaked white v-neck.  
"Are you afraid your boobs are gonna show?" She asked, laughing.  
"Yes! Girls will be all over me! And not to mention Jack. He'll go crazy." I threw some water at her again and laughed.  
"You wish, Gaskarth. Jack likes your mom better anyways." She grabbed my water bottle and splashed me with the remaining water.  
"Bellah! I thought we agreed not to mention that! Well, you asked for it." I stood up and grabbed her wrists.  
"Alex, what are you doing?" She asked with a hint of panic in her voice. I didn't bother answering, I just lifted her up on my back, piggyback style, and carried her to the side of the house. Bellah knew where I was headed.  
"No! Alex!"

I turned on the hose and let her off my back. I sprayed her with the hose and she shrieked.  
"Gimme the hose!" She said, putting her arms around my waist to try and grab the hose.  
"Never!" I said, trying to ignore the butterflies her touch was giving me. She laughed and finally grabbed the hose. I was still holding onto it and we yanked at the same time. That sent the stream of water skywards and it drenched us both. We were both laughing and I held out my hand. "Truce?"  
She stuck her hand out and I reached for it. She quickly grabbed the hose from my grasp and sprayed me. "There. _Now_ Truce." She agreed, grinning as we shook hands. I noticed that she looked even more pretty than usual. Her hair was soaking wet and swept away from her face, and her green eyes sparkled. Her t-shirt was wrinkled and also drenched, and her shorts looked black because they were dripping wet.  
"What?" She asked, loosening her grip on my hand and her smile fading. "Did I get something on my face?"  
I tightened my grip to keep her hand in mine. "No. You look perfect." I smiled at her and she smiled back. We stood for a moment, looking at each other. She had opened her mouth to say something when we heard Jack's voice coming from the garage.  
"Alex? Bellah? Where are you?"  
"Over here!" Bellah called. I let go of her hand when she moved to turn the hose off.

Jack's head popped around the side of my house. "Why are you guys wet? Did you do something kinky without me?"  
"Yes. We had a naked dance party with that old lady that lives across the street."  
"How could you?" Jack sounded dissapointed.  
"You left me for my mother."  
"True. But you didn't stop him, Bellah! Man stealer!" Jack turned towards Bellah, who gave him a look of suprise.  
"I did you a favour Jack. Alex was telling me how him in a white, wet shirt would drive you crazy."  
"That is also true. And it is driving me crazy."  
"What's going on?" Dylan's head popped up beside Jack's on the side of my house.  
"Wet t-shirt contest." Jack said casually.  
"Can I borrow some of your clothes, Alex?" Bellah asked.  
"Isn't your house right there?" Dylan pointed to the house directly to the right of mine.  
"Yeah. I just like his clothes." Bellah grinned and Dylan shrugged.  
"Sure." I said to Bellah. "Would you like a towel to dry off first?"  
"Yeah, thanks." She replied.

I walked off to get the towels and Jack came with me. "Alex, how come your never a gentleman to me like that?" He complained.  
"Because you're not Bellah." I grabbed some towels out of the cupboard in my garage and grinned at him.  
"Did I ruin a moment or anything, back there?" He asked.  
"No, man, you're cool." I reassured him and he looked relieved.

"Here you go." I handed Bellah a towel and we started drying off.  
"Well, I'm gonna head home. See you later guys!" Dylan started walking to his house at the end of the street, and we all waved goodbye.  
"I think I'm gonna go home too. Tell your mom I said goodbye!" Jack said as he walked to his house on the direct left of mine.  
"I will!" I called after him, and Jack turned around to wave at me, and winked. That was his way of telling me he was giving me 'alone time' with Bellah out of the kindness of his own heart. Jack was sometimes a drama queen. "Thanks man!" I added.  
"Bye Jack!" Bellah said, and he waved to her too.  
Bellah had finished drying off and I offered to take her towel. We walked toward the garage together and I hung up our towels on hooks to dry.

"You okay?" I asked Bellah. She was being unusually quiet.  
"Yeah. Just thinking." She said, and a million questions spun around my head. What is she thinking about? Is she thinking about me? If she is, is it good, or bad? Should I not have held her hand?  
When we walked into my house, my mom was in the laundry room, and she greeted us.  
"Oh my. What happened?" She asked me suspiciously when she saw us.  
"Spirited debate." I said.  
"Do you want me to get you some dry clothes, Bellah?" She offered.  
"I was just going to get her some upstairs." I answered.  
"Great! Would you like to stay for dinner?" She asked Bellah.  
Bellah looked at me and I smiled. "Sure, if it's not a problem, Mrs. Gaskarth."  
"Oh, it's not a problem at all dear."  
"Thank you!" Bellah said I grabbed her hand and led her upstairs.  
We headed to my room and she opened my closet. She grabbed a black shirt and I handed her a pair of basketball shorts.  
"Thanks." She smiled at me before she headed to the bathroom.

I mindlessly grabbed a shirt and some basketball shorts for me, and draped them over the headboard of my bed. I sighed then laid down. It had been two years since I realized I love Bellah. And I had only fallen harder for her. She's beautiful, funny, incredible; everything I wanted and even made me think clichès and I didn't mind. But I had no idea about her feelings for me. Sometimes it seemed like she loved me too. Other times, she seemed to like me as nothing more than a friend.

I got up and the movement made my shirt fall under my bed. I laid down on the floor and stuck my hand under my bed. My hand hit something hard and I muttered some swear words to ease the pain. I looked to see what my hand had hit, and I found this notebook. I opened it, and smiled as I read Circles. I'd have to write a song about today, I had thought. I threw the notebook on top of my bed.

Bellah emerged from the bathroom and I retreived my shirt from under my bed. She gave me a quizzical look then saw the notebook on my bed.  
"I remember this!" She said, sitting down on my bed. I sat down next to her and watched as she re-read Circles.  
"You should write another song." She said, suddenly.  
"About what?" I asked.  
"Me!" She exclaimed.  
I wish she knew Circles was about her. "I'll try." I laughed.

She looked satisfied, so I went to go change my clothes.  
After I had changed my clothes we went downstairs to help my mom make dessert, which was a chocolate cake. We got in some minor flour fights that my mom put an end to immedietly, and we ended up smearing frosting across each other's noses. We ate dinner then sat in my backyard and talked. It was the best night I'd had in a long time, and after she left, I went back into my room to write a song. I sat with a pen for a while before finally deciding what I should write.

Strange maze, what is this place?  
I hear voices over my shoulder,  
Nothing's making sense at all.  
Wonder, why do we race?  
When everyday we're runnin' in circles,  
Such a funny way to fall.  
Tried to open up my eyes,  
I'm hopin' for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up,  
the dream isn't done.  
I wanna see your face,  
and know I made it home.  
If nothing is true,  
What more can I do?  
I am still painting flowers for you.

Show my cards,  
Gave you my heart,  
Wish we could start all over.  
Nothing's makin' sense at all.  
Tried to open up my eyes,  
I'm hopin' for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up,  
the dream isn't done.  
I wanna see your face,  
and know I made it home.  
If nothing is true,  
What more can I do?  
I am still painting flowers for you,  
I am still painting flowers for you.

I heard everything you said,  
I don't wanna lose my head,  
When I wake up,  
the dream isn't done.  
I wanna see your face,  
and know I made it home.  
If nothing is true,  
What more can I do?  
I am still painting flowers for you,  
I am still painting flowers for you.

A/N- I _know_ Bellah sounds like a Mary Sue, but she's not, I promise you. She has faults, and you can PM me asking for a list of them, if you want further proof. xD I just needed to describe her from Alex's perspective, and how she's perfect to him. Her faults will come out later. I really hope you guys enjoy the chapter, it was fun for me to write! :)  
I want 5 reviews before I post the next chapter, but maybe I might post on 2 or 3, depending. :)  
Much love, Regan :)


	3. Chapter 3

_Hit the Lights(A Tribute to a Night I'll Never Forget) was next. The story for this one is pretty great.I turned to the blank side of the page, and started writing._

"Bonfire!" I heard the yell before I felt someone throw themselves on my back.  
"Are you excited?" Jack yelled in my ear. He was holding onto my neck and he had his legs wrapped around my waist. I was basically giving him a piggyback ride, but I wasn't helping him stay on.  
"I'm really excited, actually, because when you jumped up on my back, your foot missed my balls by an inch."  
Jack laughed and tightened his grip around my neck to balance himself. "You should know to wear a protective cup around me by now."  
"Is that comment supposed to be sexual?" I asked.  
"Kinda. Are you excited for the bonfire tonight?" Jack repeated himself.  
"Hell yes!" I answered, smiling. Jack and I were standing at the entrance to our neighborhood, waiting for Bellah so we could walk to the bonfire together.  
"Oh, yeah, Jack?" I asked.  
"Hmm?" He replied, sounding quite content with himself.  
"When are you gonna get off me?"  
"Never." He said, holding on tighter. Bellah walked up at that moment, munching on toast.  
"What's up, guys?" She said, casually.  
"Toast!" Jack yelled, throwing himself off of me and onto Bellah. She held the toast up for him to take a bite, and we all started walking towards the park. Earlier that day, we graduated from 8th grade. It was the first day of summer, and the bonfire was hosted by the school to celebrate.

I could feel the heat from the fire on my face, and I wrapped my arm around Bellah. Normally, she would slap my arm away and make a sarcastic remark. But total chaos surrounded us, because everyone was trying to push their way closer to the bonfire. She took my gesture as a method of not loosing her in the crowd of people. "This feels like a mosh pit, not a bonfire." Bellah said loudly, over the noise. "This is a mosh pit." I stated. "But I don't mind sweaty people on me."  
"Of course you don't." Bellah laughed. "As long as they're female." Before I could argue, or agree, Jack had pushed his way through the crowd to get to us. "I'm disappointed. They don't have any beer here." He said, sadly. "It's a school event, Jack..." Bellah told him, raising her eyebrows. "School's over! Jack Barakat is ready to party!" Jack replied, raising his eyebrows back at her. "Do you guys want to get out of here?" I asked, impatient, as a huge, sweaty guy in a blue jacket started trying to push past us. "Yes. Now." Bellah looked disgusted with the guy. I laughed, and grabbed Jack's arm. We ran through the huge, tightly packed crowd, pushing and shoving people out of the way. We finally emerged from the crowd, doubled over with laughter and gasping for fresh air.  
"Did you see that girl you pushed?" Bellah asked, in between breaths. "I hope she was hot." Jack said, laughing. "I think it was Mrs. Johnico." I told him, and he looked at me with a horrified expression on his face. "I touched her boob, man!" That made me double over in laughter again, while Bellah tried to maintain a straight face and comfort Jack, who seemed to be going into shock, though he was still giggling.  
"What do we do now?" I asked when I had caught my breath. "Cause mayhem!" Jack said, throwing his arms in the air. "That is a very good plan, my friend." I replied, fixing my beanie.  
"Shit!" Bellah exclaimed, suddenly. "What?" Jack sounded somewhat concerned. "We left King!" She reminded us. "Oh shit. I'll go get him." Jack volunteered.  
"We could have just texted him..." Bellah said, looking at the spot in the crowd in which Jack had just disappeared. "I think he just wants to grope more girls." I told her. Bellah rolled her eyes and smiled. "Typical Jack." We walked a little farther away from the bonfire, then sat down on the grass. "Did you ever write a song for me?" Bellah asked, laughing. "I did, actually." I answered truthfully. "Seriously?" She looked at me, and she had ash smudged on her cheek. I gently wiped it off and smiled. "Seriously."  
"You should sing it for me." She said, grinning.  
"Okay. Later."  
"Now?"  
"No."  
"Please?"  
"Nope."  
"Why not?"  
"Because that would just be awkward."  
"You're best friends with the king of awkward. You should be used to it by now."  
"Don't you mean queen of awkward?"  
"Alex!" Bellah exclaimed, shoving me.  
"What? Jack has a vagina!"  
"You would know."  
"How would you know that I know?"  
"That doesn't make sense, Alex."  
"Yes it does."  
"Will you sing me the song?"  
"Nope." I wanted to sing the song for her, but I couldn't. She would just have to listen to what I'm singing to realize how I feel. And I couldn't risk loosing her if she didn't love me back. She meant too much to me now.  
"That's cruel." She laid back on the grass and I breathed a sigh of relief. She had given up. For now. She was stubborn as hell, but I loved that about her. She would ask about it later, but I could have another song written for her by then. A song that doesn't spell out my feelings for her. Maybe a song about boobs. Or Jack's nipples, and how I named the right one Alex. Or maybe one about beer...  
"Alex?" She asked, quietly.  
"Hmm?" I laid down with my head next to hers.  
"Can you stop yourself from falling in love?"  
Her question caught me off guard. I was used to random and personal questions from her, but she had never asked a question like that.  
"I don't think you can, Bells."  
"There has to be _some_ way." She said, still looking up at the sky.  
"You always try to defy rules and logic." I chuckled. "But there are no rules or logic with love. There's nothing to defy this time. You love who you love. No matter how inconvenient it is."  
Bellah turned her head to look at me. Her expression was troubled. When her eyes met mine, my heart started beating like crazy. She must have been able to hear it beating in my chest. Who did she love? And why did she want to stop herself from loving them? The questions swirled around my head.  
"What if you build up a mental wall? To keep yourself from getting emotionally attached?" She wrinkled her eyebrows together.  
"It'll come crashing down at some point, Bells. Your feelings are going to become too strong for you to ignore." I felt myself staring intensely in her eyes, and quickly looked away. I could make out a couple of stars in the velvety black sky. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to calm my erratic heartbeat. It didn't help. Whenever I close my eyes, all I see is her. I've been dreaming about her for so many years now, and it feels right, never wrong.  
"Alex?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Do you know what it feels like? To love someone?"  
I looked back at her. I paused for a moment, searching her face. "Yes."  
"What does it feel like? How did you know?"  
Somehow, this conversation seemed natural. The words spilled out of my mouth. "I knew because I had tons of other girls I could have chosen from, but I only wanted her. She's the most beautiful, the smartest, the funniest. She can think for herself, even though that means she can be extremely stubborn. But I love that about her. I love everything about her." I paused, and looked away from her. If only she knew.. "And...It feels like...It feels like I'll never stop dreaming about her, or wanting to. It feels like I want to scream and laugh and cry all at once, because she makes me feel so many things. I always feel so full of emotion when she's around that my heart beats like crazy and I have an adrenaline rush, but it's always good."  
She returned the intensity of my stare, a troubled expression still on her face. We could have sat like that for an hour, or maybe it was mere seconds, but she finally whispered, "Alex, I think I fell in love with someone."

I'm sitting here wishing for something that's missing  
I'm waiting for you to tell me  
that time keeps on passing  
I'm hoping, I'm asking  
to stand by your side  
at least for tonight  
let's follow through with this reckless dream  
that's tearing me up inside  
and all the time we've been so innocent

So don't you go I've got you where I want you  
and I'm never letting go  
hit the lights we'll be all right  
tonight our dreams come true

now lets take our chances  
please give me your answer  
it's all up to you so please take me away  
we've waited for so long  
I can't say it feels wrong to close my eyes  
when all I see is you

let's follow through with this reckless dream  
it's tearing me up inside  
and all the time we'll make it seem  
like we have nothing to hide nothing to hide

So don't you go I've got you where I want you  
and I'm never letting go  
hit the lights we'll be all right  
tonight our dreams come true

A/N- I'm so sorry I haven't updated! Things got busy, and I started writing something else. So I hope this made up for it! Soo... Who does Bellah love? Alex? Or Jack? Or Dylan King, their drummer? Or someone else entirely? Tell me what you guys want to see, or comment to find out :) Sorry if the quality is bad, but it's 4 in the morning xD


End file.
